I'm 45 years old right now and I have been happy--I mean really, truly happy--for quite a few years. Okay, so goodie for me. But what about you? Can my happiness make an iota of difference in your life? I think it can.
by Cheryl Carroll
June 5, 2007
Oh my gosh, I've tried to write this article so many times. Each time, in the end, I would start over. What was wrong? Too much clutter, too many memories, too much information.
Simplicity is what it needed. It needed that because being happy is really very, very simple.
I don't need to expound on my life of woes. Revisiting the hardships doesn't make for a more convincing cure. It should suffice to know that I have been there. I have been unhappy. Haven't we all? Aren't a whole lot of us still?
I'm 45 years old right now and I have been happy--I mean really, truly happy--for quite a few years. I can't even tell you exactly when it happened because I was there long before I noticed it. Someone mentioned it first--that I always looked so happy--and then I thought about it and realized it was true. And that made me even happier.
Okay, so goodie for me. But what about you? Can my happiness make an iota of difference in your life? I think it can. You see, I know precisely what made me happy. And that's what I'm about to share.
There really is no order to any of this. I have to start somewhere so I'm just picking one thing, then the next and so on. Each of the things presented below have contributed greatly to my state of being.
Be a good person - We all have our own ideas on what it means to be a good person. Most would agree that a good person would not harm a child, but we don't necessarily agree on the smaller things. Take a really good look at the things you do and decide your goodness for yourself. Set your own standard. Whatever that standard is, as long as you can look yourself in the mirror and know in your heart that you are good, then that standard is enough. You will be happy with yourself and your actions.
Please yourself - You know where I'm going with this. You can't live your life according to someone else's wishes. You must do what you want to do. If you find you are happiest when you are pleasing others, that's okay. You are still pleasing yourself. But if you are pleasing others and you are dissatisfied with this, you have to change things. You have to. You will never be happy otherwise. This one has so many questions and so many answers, it could fill an entire book, but I think you get the idea. Think about what you need to change, figure out a solution, and act on it. You'll be amazed at the result.
Let go of the past - It's over. You can't change it. Most of the time you can't apologize enough or be apologized to enough. And people's perceptions of things are so completely different at times. You may be thinking you were wronged by someone, while all along, they're thinking they did the best they could. And the bad things that happened to us, well, they shouldn't dictate our lives. They were out of our control then and they are certainly not something we can fix now. If there is anything to be learned from it, take that from it and then get over it. Let it go completely.
How? Well, it's not as hard as you might think. When you start thinking about something from the past and you find it's ruining your day, simply tell yourself to stop, and then find something else to do or think about. Do that a few times, and before you know it, those thoughts will come to you less and less. You see, however powerful the event was, it is no more. It could hurt you then, but now it is you hurting yourself, by replaying it over and over in your mind. Tell yourself to stop, give yourself the time you need to distance yourself from whatever it is, and you will let it go. I guarantee it.
Stay away from drugs and alcohol - Although it is possible for some people to drink moderately and still have a happy life, this is not the rule. Alcohol and drugs will cause depression and distorted reasoning. Now, with this in mind...
Do what you love - You'd be surprised how little time is left for unhappiness when you are doing something you love. You don't even have to be that good at it. For instance, I love to write, so I write. Most of the time, I choose "select all" and "delete." Every once in a while, however, I publish it, like with this piece.
As with so much of what I write, I don't know if it's finished. For now, though, I'm done and I'm happy with it!
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