Storage - Alextown | The Library | Judy's Cancer Journals | August 15, 2005

Finding out I have cancer.

Finding Out I Have Lung Cancer

August 15 2005

Today I will start to keep an account of my fight against small cell lung cancer. On August 2, 2005 I left work early to go to a pre-op for surgery for trigger finger. I was to have the surgery on the 4th. I left the surgery center and drove home. I picked up my daughter Shana and grandson Kevin and we were going to stop at Walmart before I took her to work.

At the light before Walmart at Sycamore School Rd Shana said the light was green but I stopped. She looked over and said Mama I am beginning to worry about you. She said I told her I didn't feel well and wanted to go home. I went through the light and turned into Walmart. Shana said I hit the curb and I was just rolling when I went into a seizure. She threw the car into park and called 911 on her cell phone. She also called for help in the parking lot.

The security guard and a police officer came over. She said they tried to keep me sitting in the car but I wouldn't stay there. So they tried to get me to sit down in the grass but I wasn't cooperating. The ambulance was taking a long time so the police officer called in to see what their ETA was. I do not remember any of this. The next I do remember is in the ambulance. The attendant asked me if I knew what month it was and I told him no, but it was hot. Then he pointed to Shana standing at the back of the ambulance and asked me if I knew who she was. I told him yes, it was my daughter. Shana then asked me what year it was. I had to think about it for a minute but I got that right.

The attendant told me that I needed to go to the hospital so they asked Shana where to take me. She told them the closest one. I had insurance. I don't remember the ride. Everything is very fuzzy. I remember them doing tests--CT scans, MRI, chest x-ray and a brushing of the tumor they found--but everything is like I was in a daze. Kevin was so good. He stayed right with his Mama.

I called Jimmy (my husband) from the emergency room and he came. Lisa (Kevin's other Grammy) came later. I don't have all of these events straight, but it goes pretty close to what I say. I remember the Dr's telling me they found a spot on my right lung so they did CT scans, but didn't really see what they wanted till they did the MRI with dye. Five or six brain lesions that had spread from the lung are what caused the seizure.

I can only thank God that I was not on the freeway taking Shana to work or on the way home from dropping her off at work. God was already looking out for me and for them. It could have all ended there. The Dr's told me after all the tests that I had small cell lung cancer and it had left the lung and traveled to the brain. The news of this put me deeper into shock. I know I cryed but that is a distant memory. I was in the hospital till the 5th. That was my 50th birthday. I got to go home.

Over the next few days I went to the Cancer Center to get ready for treatment to start. A lot of people came while I was in the hospital. Jim Hurley and his wife, Marsha, Barbra and Jim Miller, Linda and Candy Straight (my sister-in-law and her daughter). Barbra Miller was a life saver for me. She knew the right things to ask and unlike me, she could remember what they said and tell me over and over again.

I have had so many calls and cards from all my friends at work. They have sent food. Connie has let Barbra off to meet with my Dr's. Everyone has been so good to me and my family. Connie is doing everything she can for me financially and otherwise.

I won't pull any punches. I want to write this as it is--how I feel. I am over the initial shock and mostly I am sad for my family and worried for them but I am going to fight this cancer with everything I have and with the grace of God, my family and my friends, I will give it my best and pray that God gives me my health back.

How do I feel today? I feel like it is hard to believe. Am I scared for me? No. I'm sad that I may not see my grandchildren grow up or be here for my children and family but I am not scared. That could change. I don't know. I take one day at a time.

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